Food Storage

Food Storage.  Sounds like fun, doesn't it?  Well, it's a lot more than fun...it's a Commandment.  Surely, it's not on the Top Ten Commandments most Christians are familiar with, but it's just as important.

But moreso than a Commandment, Food Storage is essential to providing for your family through all manners of affliction.  From lost wages, to increased food costs, to diminished food supply, a simple food storage system will help alleviate any concerns of not being able to feed your family.  Does that mean we're becoming survivalists?  Building bomb-proof shelters underground and setting up camp outside of town when the riots and zombies run rampant through our community?  No.  We're just being prepared, and following the guidance of our Savior.

Many in our religion are familiar with the concept of food storage, but I, not having been raised in the Church, am unfamiliar with it's necessity, how it works, and what we should do about it.  Same goes for my family, as bringing up the idea of a food storage conjures up the zombiepocalypse survivalist questions.

Ideally, we should have a year's supply of everything we need.  Food, water, stuff to cook, stuff to cook the stuff with, money, etc.  A year.  I know what you're thinking.  Or, I'll try to make a guess.  You're thinking about a shed in the backyard filled with cans of Spaghetti-O's and boxes of Macaroni and Cheese. Well, as cool as that would be to find another way to add some tension to the HOA Compliance Committee, that's not what we're thinking.  See, many traditional Mormon families have set up in their basement a pseudo-grocery store, with many things canned, bagged, and placed into huge buckets or drums.  Typically, they consist of things like wheat, beans, fruit, and other items that store for a long time.  However, a year's worth of wheat is going to do us no good, because bread can only get you so far (and, seeing as it is an Evans Family Directive that any sandwich eaten must be accompanied with chips, we would not get too far).

Thankfully, Stefani had the opportunity to go to our friend Angela's house and learn about freeze-dried foods that are ideal for food storage.  Unlike dehydrated food items, freeze-dried foods retain the nutrients within them, making them rank high on the usability and storability scales.  And, this company, called Shelf Reliance, cans and freeze-dries things we'd typically eat.

Now, a year's worth of food sounds like a huge heap of cans and water drums laying around, but, if used properly, won't take up too much space.  See, instead of just having a year supply in your basement, realistically, you'll rotate through your supply throughout the year and replenish it as you go on.  This is similar to what we've been doing up until now, where we've bought a few extra cans of things and put them in the pantry, and made an attempt to keep an honest supply in store.

So, before we go ballistic and buy a crap-ton of food to store, we're going to try some out, and we'll share with you what we've liked and disliked.  If it's anything like Stefani's first try at astronaut ice cream, we're in for some more funny faces.

Figure 1. Not sure if this was the "Will you marry me?" face or the "I just ate astronaut ice cream face".

This is going to be fun for us, as we're going to see what it's like eating all this space food.  I'll see if I can whip up some sweet meals and invite people over for them and keep the fact that they're eating our food storage a secret...just to see what their reaction is.  Again, if it's like the pic above, we're in for a good set of pics.

I'd write more about it, but Stefani went to the party and learned more about it than I did.  I'm just relaying what she would say if she was awake, but our poor happy-face girl is working a night shift again, so she's catching her z's.

Oh, in other news, I passed all my checkrides for my upgrade...and just have one ride-along with the FAA and then it's all done.  However, from this point forward comes the pay raise (which Stefani quickly points out is not half of hers), sitting in the left seat with passengers on board (no need to worry, an instructor will be in the right seat), and the four bars on my shoulders.  Perhaps that face above is the "YAY YOU'RE FINALLY A CAPTAIN!!!" face.  Either way, that's what my face will look like when Stefani finds out I posted that picture on the blog and she kicks me in my bathing suit area.

Ground Training - DONE.

This is what I've been doing for the last two weeks.  Looks like I'm deep into concentration, but really, I'm pretending that I'm testing the alarm lights as part of the Originating Check (mind you my hand is really on the Sterile Cockpit light).  But really, this is about it.  Oh, well, there's the eight hours of classes a day, plus the countless hours of group study, individual study, and some time here and there for a little meal, nap, time to "space out", and attend to my personal hygiene.  But really, that's about it.  And a few yoga routines.

Ground school is as fun as it can be.  Thankfully, we're lucky to have two instructors that not only know their stuff, but love doing what they do, and can make a few wise cracks here and there.  Also, we've got a great gaggle of Baby Captains who are also able to take a few wise cracks.  It will surely be a great time once we're all out on the line.

More important than systems, though, is flows.  Flows are methodical orders established for completing checklist items that pilots are required to memorize.  Such things as Propeller Overspeeds to Emergency Evacuations to the Engine Start Flow are examples of these.  In college, flows were the way of life.  See, back when I was just a plain ol' Private Pilot, checklists were done in a 'read-do' format, like somebody reading a recipe then doing what the recipe is instructing.  Nowadays, with the cost of fuel, the complexity of aircraft systems, and the growing number of tasks that need to be completed, flows help keep things organized, quick, and efficient.  Obviously, a checklist will be used to back-up the flow, but now items completed in the flow can be given your complete attention.

There's a few flows to memorize, and, since we're all upgrading, we've been tasked to learn the First Officer flows as our sim partners are also our classmates (all upgrades) and since we're hiring pilots, we've been told that knowing their flows will help us make sure things get done correctly.  Great.  Add that to systems of an airplane I've never flown, all the profiles, procedures, emergency actions, and now you can see where my time is going.

As stressful as that all may sound, we all successfully completed our Ground Training portion of the upgrade/transition.  Last Friday, after successfully completing the Systems final, the Emergency Equipment test (where 100% was required), and our flow validation, we were all given our Captain wings, our Certificates of Completion, and a gaggle of firm handshakes from our peers and our instructors.

So here I am, home for a few days, while half of the class is traveling to Fresno to get a head-start on the simulator portion of training.  And while I may have some days to relax, realistically, I'll be studying.  Right between the story times, the Thomas movies, and the fort building.  Might be tougher than I thought.  Oh well.  I figure if I remember the ol' 'houses get bigger, houses get smaller' concept, I'll do just fine.  Right?

This is Winter

Figure 1. Winter

This, my friends, is winter in Arizona.  Nice, isn't it.  Light whispy high cirrus clouds, moving ever-so-gently through the blue skies with a light breeze, and a sun radiating it's power to...blah blah blah.  It was gorgeous outside.  So, seeing as though I will be stuck in classrooms and simulators for the month of February, we've decided to enjoy the time we have...even if that means playing hookie on getting my work done this month.

Figure 2.  The Iron King Trail

The Iron King Trail (again, trying to educate you people on every post), used to be the route of the Prescott and Eastern Railroad.  It was completed in 1898.  Now, it is a great path that connects Prescott and Prescott Valley and many runners and bikers enjoy the scenery along the path (more as it approaches the Granite Dells).  It's even adorned with old rail cars at almost every mile marker, and the bridges you use to cross over some dry washes are made from flatbed rail cars.

And off we went, to the Iron King Trailhead, with two bikes, our Chariot, and the typical picnic faire and supplies.  It was a gorgeous day at home...but a little windy on the trail.  In fact, we had what we in the biz call a "headwind" all the way until we approached the lake.  On top of that, the trail was uphill.  On top of that, it was over four miles uphill, and Stefani hasn't ridden her bicycle in a while.  On top of that, I've never pulled the kids in the dirt / mud in the trailer which was stuffed with picnic necessities, such as:

• Picnic blanket (I believe it was a gift to us at one point, but can't remember)
• Picnic essentials, such as:
• Bread slices
• Cheese slices (only the finest Tilamook cheddar)
• Mayonnaise in a small baggie (see, instead of carrying a knife, take the mayo and put it in a snack-size baggie.  Then, when it's time to spread it, cut off the tip of the bag and spread it like frosting, and use the cheese slice to spatula any of the remainder)
• Turkey
• Potato chips (because it is an Evans Family Directive that chips accompany EVERY sandwich)
• Granola bars
• Pretzels
• Orange slices
• Crackers for the kiddos
• Ample water
• Peanut butter and jelly for Hammer
• Diaper bag (just in case)
• Camera

So, it was not a light load, but we both made it just fine.  Fine enough to enjoy a picnic.

Figure 3. Picnic Activity

And it was an enjoyable time.  The kids absolutely loved walking around in the Dells, and Hammer learned the time-honored tradition of throwing rocks at girls.  So, add that to the potty training, sharing, and apologizing list of things I need to accomplish.  Kenzi made more attempts to eat dirt, but Stefani made sure to intervene at the right moment...kind of like when Hammer would open the door to the porta-potty when I was inside with my pants down.

But for a January afternoon, it wasn't too shabby.  In fact, it was awesome.  And so was the trail, because after 4+ miles of in-the-wind uphill riding, 4+ miles of tailwind-enhanced downhill riding made the trail back to the car an enjoyable time.  Except for Hammer and Kenzi, as their tiredness could not overcome the bumps on the trail.  And we forgot milk.

Here's to a few more days of enjoying Arizona, time with the family, and relaxation (minus the midnight requests for Thomas and Friends).  Soon, I will be a few miles away, knee-deep in studying, enjoying the finest hotel room my employer can negotiate for under $40/night.

the busyness

after nagging roy to set-up a new blog, here i am five months later with my first post.

what do i do with all my time?  i think i'm a pretty productive lady and i get it from my grandma durtschi.

she did everything.  with five young kids at home she graduated nursing school as valedictorian.  a blurb on the program read, 'Gloria Durtschi.. Valedictorian.. Always raises class curve.. Knits her own clothes.. Delightful.'  and that about sums it up.  she could do anything.  make chocolates, knit, crochet, sew wedding dresses, make porcelain dolls..  and when my grandpa was too busy to build a rock retaining wall for the backyard- she told him to leave the recipe for the cement mortar mix and she'd build it herself.  and she did, a 75 foot rock wall.  add rock mortar to her list of talents.

my busyness doesn't sound near as cool as my grandma's.  but when i'm not cleaning (to keep my sanity), doing laundry, grocery shopping, working full time, being single mom, or playing with my babes, .. i'm slowly learning to sew.  it's my dream to make awesome things on my sewing machine.  my obstacles are that i'm a total beginner and a perfectionist.  i can totally relate to this girl, i think we could be besties.  i can't see myself spending any amount of time on something, for it to come out substandard and have me feeling like it was a complete waste of time and money.  but i came to the conclusion that the only way i'm going to learn is by practicing, and making mistakes.

my friend angela is super crafty and got me started making a busy book/quiet book for the kids.  (a quiet book is something crazy mormon moms make for their kids to keep them occupied and quiet for church/appointments/in the car/etc)  it's been a blast thinking of ideas and putting it together.  they are pretty time consuming so it's no wonder no one sells them on etsy.  here are some of my finished and pages in progress:

some of the things like snapping, tying, and braiding are a little too hard for jack right now.  he mainly loves the i-spy rocket page so i think i'll do another one of those.  i remember seeing kids at church with these and always wanted one, so if my kids don't love it at least i've fulfilled my childhood dreams.  hopefully after i import my mom next month for a week or so, i can get back to sewing some more pages.  more to come!

The End is the Beginning is the End

Figure 1.  The Beginning and The End. 

I have this weird habit that when I am looking at computers, keyboards, or anything with a keyboard attached to it, that I have to somehow evaluate the ergonomics of said keyboard by typing "The End is the Beginning is the End" over and over again.  I don't know why, but I just do.  But, the other day it brought with it some significance that I'd like to share.

After a few years of waiting for my time in line, I was awarded an opportunity to upgrade to Captain.  While it is every pilot's dream to upgrade to Captain, it has been mine more-so the last few months than ever.  As many of my pilot friends can attest to, something is going to happen within the aviation industry, and it's time I get ready.  Whether it is a massive amount of retirements followed by a massive hiring binge, or the destruction of the regional airline market, something is going to change.  And I want to be ready.  Ready to become a single-income family, and have a ton more babies.

Little did I know that two weeks ago I would have flown my (potentially) last flight in the Barbie Jet.  If I would have known that, I would have done a better job in Appleton, but you're going to have to cut me some slack...it was gusting over 35 knots (for you non-airplane readers, 'knots' is shorthand for 'nautical miles per hour', which airplanes use over miles per hour because of the correlation between nautical miles and the earth grid system) which is just over 40 miles per hour.  And I would have preferred to fly with some of my more memorable Captains in my last month, and share some laughs, a few stories, and a decent game of Travel Scrabble, I think I went out with a bang (or two, if you count the side-loaded upwind main landing gear).

My upgrade class comes at the time where Stefani and I were planning on taking the kids somewhere warm.  She said "Florida" but I deemed "New Zealand" appropriate.  So...warm weather is going to have to wait for a while.  It also comes at a time where we realize that we're going to have to rely on our support group to help out with the babies.  A lot.

See, I'm upgrading into an airplane to which I've never flown.  And, even a super pilot like myself is intimidated because of this.  But I know that with the right amount of studying, and (sadly) some time away from the kids (to the tune of three weeks of training) will help me be successful in my quest for greatness (and a passing score).  I'm happy that my friends have been encouraging me to start studying now, and I'm happy to report my first limitation memory item: flight with the window open (yes, finally an airplane with opening windows) is permitted up to 140 knots (161 mph).  Bubble hard in the double R flashin' the rings, with the window cracked, holler back, money ain't a thing.  Jay-Z knows what I'm talking about.

All excitement aside, the probability that I will not be home as much is high.  Having to commute to what I deem a third-world country (some call it Central California) is going to be an additional challenge.  The probability that I will be "on-call" versus on a schedule for a few months is slight, but enough to warrant some stress.  But the challenge...the adventure...is going to be worth it, right?  We'll see what my new friends at the Coarsegold KOA have to say about it.


So, the end is the beginning is the end.  And here's the end of this post.  Hammer is dancing around watching his shadow and I can't miss my opportunity for the next dance.

Kenzi's First Birthday (belated)

Well, after a six day stretch of work (and my last extended period of time away from home for at least a month) I finally made it home.  Sadly, it was a few days after Kenzi's actual birthday, but seeing as though Hammer believes in Santa, an Elf that reports to Santa, as well as a train that has a talking boiler, a bilingual handyman that has a toolbox full of talking hand tools, and cars with talking radiators, I figure Kenzi wouldn't realize the celebration was a few days late.  I know, it may sound like I'm saying she's not smart, but I will point out that she is almost walking, and loves 747's over other toys.

Figure One: My Princess

As you can tell, my Kenzi is the cutest thing on the block.  So, no ordinary birthday party celebration would suffice.  In fact, thanks to some leftover snow around the hood, and my love for shoveling snow (I must point out I am not being sarcastic as I honestly do enjoy shoveling snow), I made it very easy to convince our awesome neighbors to come out and enjoy some pizza and cupcakes with us and our precious girl.  And, with Papa always looking for some time to hang out with his favorite granddaughter, the party was complete.

Much like I've avoided in the Christmas realm of posting all the cute stuff the kids received, I'll spare you the details.  However, I will mention that Stefani had purchased this tiny shopping cart for Kenzi and had it in the closet for a long time.  We thought Kenzi would love pushing it around and filling it with toys and dolls, but when we bought the kids a giant 747 that they can sit on and I can control with a remote, we thought Hammer would surely love it.  False.  He is scared to death of that thing.  Kenzi, on the other hand, lets me drive her into walls, make her dizzy, and all kinds of scary maneuvers that can be completed on something slightly smaller than a Power Wheels vehicle.  So, Kenzi liked her cart, but Hammer absolutely adored it.

More and more each day we see that Hammer is more like Stefani and Kenzi is more like me.  It's cute.

So, I should live up to my promise to make my blog more educational by sharing something with you that's insightful and useful.  Here it goes.

If you're a fan of Chick-Fil-A (click the link to get directions to the closest one to you), you're probably aware of their "Chick-Fil-A" sauce.  If you love it like I do, you have your wife horde some packets when she makes her pilgrimage to the best chicken sandwich joint in the valley.  And, currently, our fridge does have a few packets left.  But seeing as though I am trying to be more resourceful in the kitchen (more resourceful than being able to cook a Hot Pocket (link goes to Jim Gaffigan's Hot Pocket skit which is required viewing if you haven't seen it yet)), I thought I'd try to make the sauce and improve on it.  And, seeing as though one of my New Year's Resolutions is to be as unselfish as possible, I'll share my new recipe for the sauce.

Figure Two: The Chemistry Lab

Take some Sweet Baby Ray's (you know it's "award winning' claim is legit because the award is on the label itself), some Beaver Sweet Honey Mustard, and some plain Mayo and mix it together.  I'd guess 1.5 parts mayo, 1 part mustard and bbq sauce.  Mix it up and BAM.  Chick-Fil-A sauce with a bite.

Ok.  Educational and delicious.

So back to Kenzi.  Well, as we tried with Hammer (he just couldn't do it), we gave her one day where she was allowed to make as big as a mess as she wanted, and this is what came of it.  I must thank Stefani for the best Christmas present ever (a magnetic Gorillapod) that made this video possible.

[click the image below to watch the movie]

Almost There!

AHHHHHHH!!!!!

Okay, no reason to freak out.  Although the Wal-Mart crowd today was something else.  Were they giving away free 3-D televisions or something because I've never seen soo many people stuck in one confined area EVER.  Well, back to Freak-out 2k10.

So, being one who has the privilege of living in a different state than they work in (read: take your commute and multiply it by a suck factor of about 1.2 X 10^32), the holiday season brings a few good things.  First off, flights are full, which means somebody is making money (hopefully that someone is my employer).  Second, it means that airports turn into mad houses and great places to see people get mad.  If only I had my camera with me to show you who comes out of the woodwork during the Holidays...

But, being that people are trying to get around the country to see their families means that my futile attempts to get around the country to see my family are met with an added level of resistance (not the same resistance that stops the TSA during their new pat-downs, but similar).  The other day, that resistance was an abnormal amount of people traveling the same route I was.

One thing I have going for me is, well, nothing when it comes to using other carriers for transportation, as 'first-come, first-serve' takes precedence.  And, being a few minutes later than normal, my standard one hour prior to departure plan was not kept up.  So, inevitably, that means I got to meet a few people who also have family in the lovely state of Arizona (or, as Chuck Klosterman put it in one of his novels, the Arid Extra-Dry State (pun intended)).  Not to get into the finer points of my current employment status, but my ride home this week granted me what I call the 'scenic tour', with a nice stop in Las Vegas.

So, if there wasn't enough to freak out about, our flight from Vegas to Phoenix was, as the Captain had put it on the PA, "going to be a little bit bumpy".  Needless to say, when pilots use generic adjectives that appear to lessen the severity of what it's describing, they usually mean the opposite.  Sort of like "a little delay", "a bit of snowfall", or "a few minutes" really meaning "you're screwed", "we're screwed", and "we're screwed for a long time".  But, I got to hand it to this Captain, because, as you two pilot nerds who read this blog can attest to, turbulence prediction models and AIRMET/SIGMET reports are usually vague, hit-or-miss, and not the whole story.  Even supplemented with PIREPs, they are not definite sources of actual conditions.  Sorry, for you non-pilot nerds, but to help you cope with why you are not as awesome as your pilot nerd friends/husbands/wives/others, I've made those acronyms links to the all-knowing Wikipedia, proving that this blog is not a complete waste of time, as I try to educate you on something in each post (remember the derivation of the common phrase m.o. ?)  Also, the "turbulence prediction" link sends you to a page where computer models (not like this computer model) predict the severity of turbulence based on current and forecasted weather conditions, so check that out before your next flight.

That night, "a little bit bumpy" meant "the plane is going to shake, rattle, and roll like a 40 ton bull galloping at 400 miles and hour with 100,000 volts being sent through said bull's nether-regions continuously".  And it did.  People were freaking out.  Funny, the lady sitting next to me was pointing out all the nervous people's tendencies to do something to make them not think about the fact the plane was shaking like a...well, this video is a good example of what it probably looked like on the outside.

Let's be honest...turbulence can be fun.  Like, mega fun, unless you're trying to read, put contacts in, or if you have to go to the bathroom.  So, what's a man in uniform supposed to do to harness the fun?  There was only one thing I could think of, being fatigued and malnourished, and that was to take my hat, raise it in the air, and say "YEE-HAW!!!" really loud.  Thinking that I wasn't the only one having fun, I invited my row to join me.  The woman next to me laughed, but then tightened her seatbelt.  The man next to her said "No way, no, no no no no no no" and grabbed the seat in front of him, assuming what I call the most un-stylish crash position invented.  So, it was just me who apparently had fun riding the bull, and my futile attempts to make people laugh while their brains bounce around inside their skulls like an air hockey puck failed, my colleagues said I should have instead sang "The Battle Hymn of the Republic" real loud.  I'll make note for next time.

Now that's what I would deem a reason to freak out justly.  Not that it's two days before Christmas and you can't find your loved one(s) something special at Wal-Mart.

So, freak outs aside, we've had a great week.  Hammer has apparently grown an affinity for Thomas the Train, or any trains in general, as well as Christmas lights.  And, while we love to spoil our kids with tons of love and hugs, we took Hammer to the McCormick-Stillman Railroad Park where trains, Thomas the Train, and Christmas lights exist in pure harmony (along with about 5,000 other people and their kids who also love trains, Thomas the Train, and Christmas lights).

Grandma is in town helping out with the kids while my pre- and post-Christmas schedules are not "awesome", and we're expecting Grandpa Durtschi to come out soon.  My dad's still in town, and we're ready to see these kids open up some seriously awesome Christmas garb.  As for our preparations, we're almost there.  Seeing as though this is our kids' first Christmas, we hope we've given the Holiday the respect it deserves.  More than a hat-waving "YEE-HAW!!!" in an inappropriate time.

Figure 1. At the train station

Sundays

In an effort to make the most of the fact we have family who live within what I deem to be "forgot to pack milk for Kenzi" distance, I've unofficially started my new Sunday M.O. to include more family time.  On a side note, m.o. is short for modus operandi, which is a latin phrase that loosely translates into 'method of operating', and has become m.o., short-hand for somebody's habits.  Thank you wikipedia for educating me [citation needed].  This new family time basically means dinner at either our house, my sister's house, or my dad's house.  And today, it was at our house.

For Stefani's friends who love to talk about dinner menus and stuff, I've organized a bulleted list of what was prepared for supper.

• Some sort of pork roast covered in bacon that needed some oven appreciation time
• Mashed potatoes that only required hot water and a general stirring motion
• Broccoli covered in cheese because there's no other legal way to eat broccoli
• Corn chowder soup, because it's fun to say chowder (like in Ace Ventura when he's passing the secret code through the door after the Cannibal Corpse concert scene)
• Baked bread with asiago cheese bacon dip because bacon is required to be implemented in every fancy meal at least twice
• Lettuce garnished with dressing so we look like we pay more taxes
• Chicken nuggets because kids don't eat real food
• An ice-cream cake from Baskin Robbins because nothing can beat it in the dessert realm

Yeah, that's how we roll (once a year).  For those who have yet to enjoy some time with us at our home, our typical menu consists of something between bread (usually a butter (peanut or plain), a meat product, cheese, pickles, or any combination thereof), something with milk (like cereal or oatmeal), or some restaurant.  We're working on diversifying our meal portfolio, and have committed that to our New Year's Resolutions.

Anywho, back to the m.o.  So, we invited my sister and my dad over for a meal and some fun.  Usually, we just chit-chat around the table while the kids turn peaceful toys into weapons of mess (not mass) destruction.  But, since it's Christmastime, and we can't get in the car without Hammer asking for Christmas Lights, we decided it was time to introduce my sister and her family to the best Christmas light display in the quad-city area.

So there it is.  That is the greatest light display around.  From our best estimate, they are using approximately the same amount of power that is required to heat all of the town of Dewey, and are using somewhere near 512 electrical plugs and 1 mile of extension cords.  Regardless of their 'green' status or their concern for the power grid, we have deemed it to be worth it.  And so have many other fellow patrons of this home.  Sadly, no image or camera can capture the essence of awesomeness this home radiates, as there are more lights to both sides of the home, and one impressive collection of animatronic Christmas decorations.

But with hot chocolates in hand, the kids in their car seats, and all of us crammed into our not-going-to-get-replaced-by-a-minvan Honda Pilot, we, the mighty descendants and offspring of my father, enjoyed not only a full-course meal, but the company of others (and Kenzi reminding us we forgot her binky).

Figure 1. The Evans Consortium + The Brantner's and my Pops

Hide yo' kids

Inevitably, I'm back to working a lot during the worst time of the year to be confined to a small tube with a minimum 52 strangers and no fresh air.  Yes, the dreaded cold and flu season.  It's gross.  You don't have to be a germophobe to realize how disgusting people can be, like Hammer, who has recently discovered that picking his nose can be fun.  Or people who go to the bathroom without washing their hands.  Or even better, runny nose recipients who use their hand as a tissue.  Gross.

Well, we are all as guilty as the next guy for spreading the love, err, germs this time of year, and I've tried my part to be a little better.  Because, as I said earlier, I'm stuck in a tiny little tube for hours on end with plenty of strangers who love to litter their little nasties around.  And I'm not trying to scare you with the picture below, just illustrating what us lucky aviation enthusiasts have to deal with daily.

Figure 1. "The Nasty"

Needless to say, we live in a dirty world.  But, at the same time, a little dirt has to be good for us, right?  I think so, hence my lack of Purell-ing the crap out of my kids on a regular basis.  However, we have to realize that there has to be a limit to our exposure to what I call "The Nasty", and attempt to mitigate it from affecting our kids.  For me, that means trying to keep "The Nasty" in check and leaving it all at work.  And, with all these stories about more and more cases of hotels providing bed bugs complimentary, the fight has taken a more serious role.

You might be thinking why am I sharing this?  Well, while we've had our share of runny noses in the house, we've also had our fair share of scares.  I remember one day I was at work, headed up to somewhere in Canada for the night, when, before departing San Francisco, I received a picture message from Stefani that looked like this:

Figure 2. Sick Kenzi

Not the kind of image you want when you're supposed to leave the country for the day.  Thankfully, Kenzi was tougher than I could ever be and allowed these crazy people to poke her with a few needles to help her in her quest to conquer RSV.  And, after a few days in the hospital, and a few prayers, she was allowed to come home and enjoy being the cute girl she is.

So, this winter, I guess I'll be getting my flu shot.  And believe me, I despise needles.  Really do.  They scare me.  But if it keeps my babies from having to go to the hospital, then I'll do it.  But we can't be too cautious, since, thanks to this experience, Kenzi now has the immunities to fight off everything, including modest attempts to be potty trained.

Preparing for Christmas

Nothing says "Tis the Season" like when your wife comes and finds you setting up the Christmas tree only to inform you that you ran a pack of gum through the dryer again.

Before I get into the gummy details, I have to share a few things with you all.  First off, the Evans' do not own a Christmas tree (until now).  Take that back, even before now we had a Christmas tree.

Figure 1. Our First Christmas Tree

But as awesome as it is, we figured with the kids getting older, it's time to get a tree.  And we've talked about this before, but it was our plan to get a real live tree and plant it in our front yard where we have a vacancy.  However, our nanny is sensitive to scents, and since we absolutely love her, we went ahead and got a fake tree with all the lights built into it.  Our yard will survive, and we won't catch the house on fire, so really, it is a win-win scenario.

Going further back in time (like one of those movies where you have to stop and think 'wait, did this just happen?) I have to admit I have one addiction.  Well, I have many, but one that stops me dead in my tracks at work, at home, or anywhere, is my love for Orbit Sweetmint gum.  It's my best friend in life, and my teeth and gums are also huge fans (as well as my dentist/bassist).  Since we've had such a long relationship, I tend to throw the gum around here and there, and, as Stefani put it tonight, I've had a few dates scraping gum off of the dryer.

Figure 2. Author high on goo-gone and dryer sheets

So being my fourth date with the dryer, you think I would have it down pat.  Well, not quite 100% down, but I have a system, and, thanks to the intoxicating scent of Goo Gone not killing all my brain cells, I'll share it with you three readers of this blog.  First, take Goo Gone and spray the gum liberally.  Let it enjoy the orange scent while you take a break and not enjoy the orange scent.  Then, once it's been marinaded in the most awesome cleaning fluid, take a dryer sheet and start scrubbing.  Using a credit card as a scraper also helps, but the dryer sheet is key.  Seems as though gum and dryers are lovers and the dryer sheet removes all that static love from the two and they separate.  Once you're satisfied with the results, let that thing air dry all night after a good wipe down with a damp cloth.  Then what you should do is stay away from anything sharp, machinery that is large or complex in nature, or junk food, because you are going to feel a bit funny.  Not a good "run and wash your gum now" funny, more a "am I going to vomit?" funny.

I guess I will never learn my lesson on checking my pockets before the clothes make it to the washer.  Oh well, there's worse sins in this world, right?

A few hours later, the tree is all done!  After assembling the beast, we had to fluff out the fake needles and prepare to decorate.  Since this is our first Christmas tree, we really don't have a lot of decorations besides a few ornaments I had when I was a kid and the whole Hallmark collection of historical airplanes that my mother has been sending me since they started making them.  Also, you can't be a dork like we are without a customized ornament of the airplane you spent your life in at school (more affectionately known as 'the airplane that equates to our second mortgage').

Figure 3. Our Custom-Made Ornament of Debt

If that isn't dorky enough, I guess you could add a train to the setup, right?  Well, this train has some history behind it.  Long story short, somehow as a kid I remembered the way to a hobby store in Chicago and my dad promised me if I could find it I could get anything I wanted in there.  This is where the train comes in.  Well, at least the first few cars and a few pieces of track.  The rest became a Christmas tradition where I would leave the train running when I went to bed and Santa would come and bring me a new car.  Sometimes instead of cars, I would get track pieces, like motorized switch tracks, derailing tracks, or just a ton of track pieces.  Either way, this train has been with me for a long time.  Looking at the box, it was made in West Germany, which sounds like a cool place.

Figure 4.  More Examples of my Dork Level

While this is really our first 'Christmas' where we sort of go all out (we even got stockings to hang over the fireplace), we are soo anxious to see how the kids react to it all.  Stefani even said she wants nothing for Christmas except to see the faces of the kids when they open their presents.  And a facial gift certificate.  Really, all I want for Christmas is the same.  Minus the facial.  I've got a few days off around the 25th, so I'd love some family time, perhaps a good meal, and for the kids to not destroy my train.

Thankfully, where we live there are probably 6 trillion Christmas lights up, so Hammer will be happy.  So far, only one run to the Valley of Lights, but, now that he has my sense of direction, he knows where it is and requests we head that direction every night.  The real question is....if I bet him to find the hobby store, what will he walk out with?

Thanksgiving Madness

Inevitably, thanks to the industries that both Stefani and I work in, the likelihood of one of us missing a holiday is great.  Luckily for me, I've never had to work a holiday such as Thanksgiving or Christmas (call me lucky, I call it excellent planning).  So, this Thanksgiving, we were without Stefani.  And, in true Evans Thanksgiving tradition, we went to my sister's house and enjoyed the fruits of her and her husband's labor. But not to be outdone, I went ahead and volunteered to do the yams.

See, I'm not a gravy person.  It's disgusting.  I mean, you boil turkey organs, mix it with some stuff, and then you put that back on top of the turkey?  Is this some sort of last-ditch attempt to revive the turkey or do you feel as if you're being 'full-circle' by drizzling the meat with what used to sustain said meat?  I don't know.  Either way, it's gross.  So on my turkey, I wish for nothing more than the brown sugar glaze that mom's yams would bathe in while baking in the oven.  And, since we haven't had a Thanksgiving with my mother in quite some time, I inquired her about the recipe, and, in true family communication, I utilized the Facebook.

Figure 1.  Solicitation for yams recipe

And, in true family communication, I received this Facebook message from my mother.

Figure 2. The yams 'recipe'

Before you go out there and preheat the oven, it's important that you realize that a few crucial steps were omitted from the recipe message.  I'm not sure why but perhaps the 6,219 status updates referring to my mother's love for Farmville have something to do with it.  Or, perhaps she wanted me to call her to verify the recipe.  Either way, thanks to my sister and her investigation, the crucial "boil the sweet potatoes then peel them" was added to our new recipe before we baked unpeeled yams.  With the help of my sister, the yams were boiled, peeled, and then baked while swimming in a bath of brown sugar butteryness.  Ultimately, my first attempt at preparing mom's yams was a success.  Thanks, mom.

So, even though Thanksgiving this year was without Stefani, it was good, and so were my yams and the sweet brown sugar gravy substitute.  And, I've learned that the tryptophan is powerless against two kids who seem to be running on nuclear power, so I had to put a raincheck on the typical post-Thanksgiving meal siesta (which we can all agree is the second best part of the holiday).

The first is family.

the phx zoo (w/ friends + fluoride + vomit)

so, thanks to my sweet work schedule, i have been enjoying a ton of days off.  really, i have learned the art of being a stay-at-home dad.  for once, i have done (almost) everything around the house, with the exception of mopping the floors (i can't stand the smell of vinegar, and my futile attempts to illustrate the power of pine sol by doing a modest impression of that black lady on the commercials ultimately leads me nowhere).  i was going to add that i haven't done the laundry yet but that has just changed a few minutes ago.

while Stefani (who has yet to write in this blog) and i had a day off together, we decided that 75 degrees and sunny sounded like a good idea.  and, since we haven't been to the Phoenix Zoo yet, she had put two and two together and, with a little side-trip to our favorite Scandinavian furniture warehouse, we had what was going to be a pretty awesome day lined up.  and so it began, after two screaming kids survived the dentist.

figure 1. family on safari train

after a few stops on what i've determined to be my lifeline (while Google Maps still calls it I-17) for some snacks and water, we made it to the zoo.  thankfully, naptimes were accomplished in accordance with our scheduled time of arrival, so the fussiness level was more than acceptable (i will note that Hammer's lack of smiling in this image is because of contractual language in his collective bargaining agreement which states he is not required to smile for all pictures).  and, thanks to our new stroller, the two-baby outing experience has been made much easier.

figure 2. happy Kenzi

the kids were loving the zoo.  in fact, there was a lot of zoo loving going on.  so much that our friends who we refer to as PB+J (now with a C) had, without our knowledge, came to the zoo as well.  so, after figuring out where they were, we enjoyed the zoo with them and their new addition.  ironically, we were going to stop by their house on our way up my lifeline to say hi to their new baby and drop off some sprinkles cupcakes, because who doesn't love five dollar cupcakes?

figure 3. Thomas and Hammer enjoying the giraffe exhibit

since we're really not the best gift-givers (in fact, we rarely buy each other gifts), we wanted to spend some time with our friends and take them out to dinner.  now, if you've never been to the Rustler's Rooste, you have to add that to your to-do list.  in a nutshell, it's a cowboy place (like Rawhide) without all the show business, and more fun.  in fact, so much fun that they have a slide next to the stairs that lead you from where you enter the restaurant to where you eat.  i remember when i was a little Roy when we would drive out to the Rooste and the only thing i remembered was the slide.  fast, shiny, and fun. 

this is dragging on, isn't it.  well, so zoo. yes, we went. friends, definitely. vomit?

while we were on our way out of the zoo, i was about to make a comment about how our Kenzi has yet to have a 'reaction' to formula (read: spitting up).  while i was about to vocalize my thoughts near the exit of the zoo, Kenzi decided she wanted to toss her cookies.  then, a few minutes later, she did again.  and more in the car.  then at the restaurant.  then again in the car.  and again while i ran some returns into Ikea.  then again on the drive home.  then when we got home.  

never-ending vomit.  poor Kenzi.  she's not feverish, and when she's not blowing chunks, she's smiling, playful, and her usual self (see figure 2 above).  i figured she had some stomach bug since she had no signs of an infection, and our call to our pediatrician's nurse line confirmed my pre-web md hypothesis.  right now, she's cudding Stefani in bed, keeping warm, and vomit free for the last two hours.  i'm thinking she's done, but we will see in the morning.

i remembered wanting to pack extra clothes for the kids in case of an accident, and failed to do so.  now, i'm going to have to pack an extra set for me, because, as delicious as the Rooste is, nothing makes you more uncomfortable when your clothes are soaked in vomit.  thankfully, the zoo (which already smells like poo), our great friends, and my loving family could care less.  after all, what's a little vomit between friends?  ever do the milk challenge?

it's a secret

now don't go telling stefani what i did to her blog.  well, really, she wanted it this way.  in fact, we've had many discussions on what she wanted her blog to look like.  in fact, if i recall correctly, if i had made the blog to her specifications (read: what you are looking at now, with the clothesline pictures, the plain and simple layout, and none of that stuff that you don't care about) that she would actively contribute to it.

we'll have to wait and see.

as for what's going on...hammer got a new bed!  i haven't taken pictures of it since we had to change the mattresses around, nor have we got the cool lights put up for the area below the bed.  i don't want to spoil the surprise, but it is awesome.  i'm hoping that tomorrow we can have all of the bed's flair completed, and then we can share it with you.  but, needless to say, our expert ikea-making skills did help out.

we got rid of hammer's crib and dresser.  you know, the first one we ever had.  it was cute.  stefani wanted to take a picture of it before i disassembled it and got it ready for one of our friends to pick up, but they had beat us home, and time was of the essence.  so, she didn't get one last picture of the bed hammer used to take naps on and kenzi learned to crawl up onto.  but here's one from the archives.  in fact, this was taken in a time and place we no longer reside: kid-free and in colorado.

figure 1. me building crib

so don't tell stefani i MAXED OUT CUTE on her blog now.  and, sooner or later, i'll post some more man-stuff.  but, i have to set the tone of the blog, you know, all cutesy and cuddly.  because, once i hit publish, i'm going to fight for my share of the blankets from my cuties and cuddlies.

ten percent

 i totally beat stefani to the first blog post.  i should, anyways, since she's too busy working and stuff.  i mean, she is the wheels of this operation.  the wheels, engine, transmission, chassis, brains, everything really.  i'm just here for the ride (and to learn the fine art of determining what is "whites" and what is "darks").


this evening, we were out at dinner with my dad for some pizza and salad.  when our waitress had brought the check, she had told us that some customers who were sitting next to us had hooked us up.  apparently, if you have a movie ticket stub, you can get 10% off your food.  since we haven't seen a movie since Toy Story 3, we were lucky enough for these random citizens to donate their discount to us.  how nice was that, you say?  well, mathematically, 10% of not a lot is hardly anything.  but it wasn't the 10% that hit home with me.  it was the act.


someone more famous than me once said "practice random acts of kindness", and surely this was random.  we didn't know anyone in the restaurant besides my wife's boss, but he was taken off the suspect list when we realized he was sitting on the other side of the restaurant.  but why us?  was it because our kids are so stinkin' cute?

figure one.  example of stinkin' cute kids

perhaps.  was it that we were having a great time, enjoying the company of my father, our stinkin' cute kids, and my smokin' hot wife?

figure two. example of smokin' hot wife

perhaps.  but, were we the benefactors of this random act because of how we dress?  what we were talking about?  our demeanor?  what food we ordered?  i would say no, but i will never know the answer.  does the answer even hold enough significance to ponder it for this long?  no.


what it does remind me is that even in our most hectic times in our lives, there's never a shortage of fellow humans and animals (and plants for that matter) that could use a random act of kindness.  for me, it's been an awkwardly-stress-filled week for some reason or another and thanks to my smokin' hot wife for putting up with 30 minutes of yoga, and this random act of kindness, my meaningless tirade of stress is gone.  sure, i can think of it and start to stress, but i'd rather think of ways to attack some random beings with an act of kindness.  after all, it's not the 10%, its giving it.