Preparing for Christmas

Nothing says "Tis the Season" like when your wife comes and finds you setting up the Christmas tree only to inform you that you ran a pack of gum through the dryer again.

Before I get into the gummy details, I have to share a few things with you all.  First off, the Evans' do not own a Christmas tree (until now).  Take that back, even before now we had a Christmas tree.

Figure 1. Our First Christmas Tree

But as awesome as it is, we figured with the kids getting older, it's time to get a tree.  And we've talked about this before, but it was our plan to get a real live tree and plant it in our front yard where we have a vacancy.  However, our nanny is sensitive to scents, and since we absolutely love her, we went ahead and got a fake tree with all the lights built into it.  Our yard will survive, and we won't catch the house on fire, so really, it is a win-win scenario.

Going further back in time (like one of those movies where you have to stop and think 'wait, did this just happen?) I have to admit I have one addiction.  Well, I have many, but one that stops me dead in my tracks at work, at home, or anywhere, is my love for Orbit Sweetmint gum.  It's my best friend in life, and my teeth and gums are also huge fans (as well as my dentist/bassist).  Since we've had such a long relationship, I tend to throw the gum around here and there, and, as Stefani put it tonight, I've had a few dates scraping gum off of the dryer.

Figure 2. Author high on goo-gone and dryer sheets

So being my fourth date with the dryer, you think I would have it down pat.  Well, not quite 100% down, but I have a system, and, thanks to the intoxicating scent of Goo Gone not killing all my brain cells, I'll share it with you three readers of this blog.  First, take Goo Gone and spray the gum liberally.  Let it enjoy the orange scent while you take a break and not enjoy the orange scent.  Then, once it's been marinaded in the most awesome cleaning fluid, take a dryer sheet and start scrubbing.  Using a credit card as a scraper also helps, but the dryer sheet is key.  Seems as though gum and dryers are lovers and the dryer sheet removes all that static love from the two and they separate.  Once you're satisfied with the results, let that thing air dry all night after a good wipe down with a damp cloth.  Then what you should do is stay away from anything sharp, machinery that is large or complex in nature, or junk food, because you are going to feel a bit funny.  Not a good "run and wash your gum now" funny, more a "am I going to vomit?" funny.

I guess I will never learn my lesson on checking my pockets before the clothes make it to the washer.  Oh well, there's worse sins in this world, right?

A few hours later, the tree is all done!  After assembling the beast, we had to fluff out the fake needles and prepare to decorate.  Since this is our first Christmas tree, we really don't have a lot of decorations besides a few ornaments I had when I was a kid and the whole Hallmark collection of historical airplanes that my mother has been sending me since they started making them.  Also, you can't be a dork like we are without a customized ornament of the airplane you spent your life in at school (more affectionately known as 'the airplane that equates to our second mortgage').

Figure 3. Our Custom-Made Ornament of Debt

If that isn't dorky enough, I guess you could add a train to the setup, right?  Well, this train has some history behind it.  Long story short, somehow as a kid I remembered the way to a hobby store in Chicago and my dad promised me if I could find it I could get anything I wanted in there.  This is where the train comes in.  Well, at least the first few cars and a few pieces of track.  The rest became a Christmas tradition where I would leave the train running when I went to bed and Santa would come and bring me a new car.  Sometimes instead of cars, I would get track pieces, like motorized switch tracks, derailing tracks, or just a ton of track pieces.  Either way, this train has been with me for a long time.  Looking at the box, it was made in West Germany, which sounds like a cool place.

Figure 4.  More Examples of my Dork Level

While this is really our first 'Christmas' where we sort of go all out (we even got stockings to hang over the fireplace), we are soo anxious to see how the kids react to it all.  Stefani even said she wants nothing for Christmas except to see the faces of the kids when they open their presents.  And a facial gift certificate.  Really, all I want for Christmas is the same.  Minus the facial.  I've got a few days off around the 25th, so I'd love some family time, perhaps a good meal, and for the kids to not destroy my train.

Thankfully, where we live there are probably 6 trillion Christmas lights up, so Hammer will be happy.  So far, only one run to the Valley of Lights, but, now that he has my sense of direction, he knows where it is and requests we head that direction every night.  The real question is....if I bet him to find the hobby store, what will he walk out with?